My legs aren't pillows, Eridan.

[He frowns down at him, and reaches a hand after, going to curl through his hair - half comfort in gesture, half punishment of mussed styling.]

Being as the scientists are bound and determined to suck bulge like an industrial suction-based floor covering cleaner searching for microscopic bits of dirt, there is about nothing you can do to change that fact. But here, you at least get to be alive, and try to make yourself a better troll.