♋ horseshoe crab ♐

[bethehugejerk]

Who: Karkat and Equius
Where: Different places in Vatheon.
When: August 24, afternoon
Style: Action
Status: Closed

[The thing about hatedates is that for all the planning it may take to make them suitably infuriating to the other person, they provide a good chance to take out stress and frustration on someone else. That's what Karkat is hoping today, anyhow. The recent departure of the Signless and the Psiioniic from Vatheon put a good dent in his recent moods, but after how long Equius has waited before now, putting the date off any longer surely wouldn't be allowed.]

[At least he had the idea of it sorted already; to pull it off now, all he had to do was finalize certain aspects of the plan and set up a few things in advance. He has already made his last checks when he sends his kismesis a message.]

HEY, YOU SQUEALING HORSE'S SWEATY SHIT TUBE
IT'S DATE TIME.

[Yeah, about that. Before Karkat had told him the day, certainly, but not the specific time. Why not take the chance to make Equius wait on his word?]

WEAR SOMETHING ACTUALLY PRESENTABLE INSTEAD OF YOUR USUAL EXCUSE FOR AN OUTFIT AND GET GOING.
I WILL BE DIRECTING YOUR PATH TO THE MEETUP POINT, AND THE FIRST PLACE YOU GO TO IS HERE:

[He lists a corner where two streets cross, and goes as far as to describe one of the buildings. He wants him at a specific point, not any other corner at the intersection.]

YOU WILL BE GIVEN FURTHER DIRECTIONS ONCE YOU REACH THAT POINT
AND BE WARNED, ANY DEVIATION FROM MY ORDERS WILL BE GROUNDS FOR CANCELING THE DATE EARLY.
I WILL MAKE NO COMPROMISE.
EITHER DO AS I SAY OR GO BACK TO YOUR HIVE TO SUFFER IN BOREDOM.

Comments

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius is, of course, deeply irritated at having to wait and not being told the exact time of their date, and then getting ordered so rudely to a very specific spot. However, he complies readily enough, only dawdling for a little while before setting out, and only taking the slightly scenic route to get there.]

[He has his suspicions about what's going to happen, and while he is dressed nicer than usual--in some old armor of Darkleer's that he's actually almost grown into!--and has his hair tied back, he's also carrying a reinforced umbrella.]

apologies for slowness

[bethehugejerk]

[Karkat spots him at the stop, watching from a mysterious ~somewhere~. (He's on a nearby rooftop.) He's almost not sure it's him, at first, but he did stop, and he's not as big as Darkleer. He ducks back down to ensure he's out of view - not that he expects to be spotted easy, but no reason for the extra risk - before he sends another message.]

WHAT IN ALL PARADOX SPACE POSSESSED YOU TO THINK YOU WOULD NEED ARMOR.
DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I'M THE ROBOT-BUILDER HERE
THAT I'M GOING TO SEND SOME SWINGING AUTOMATON AT YOU TO SNAP YOUR HORNS OFF AND HAND THEM TO YOU ON A SILVER NUTRITION PLATTER?
THIS IS A HATEDATE, NOT A WAR.
AND DITCH THE UMBRELLA. IT DOESN'T EVEN RAIN DOWN HERE.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius hears his SFC chime and pulls it out to read the message, although he first glances all around him, trying to spot Karkat. After reading, he snorts dismissively and fires one back.]

D --> You said to dress nicely
D --> I'm dressed nicely
D --> And now you're complaining
D --> I shouldn't be surprised by this, and I'm not

[Regardless, the umbrella disappears into his sylladex.]

D --> Where are you
D --> I don't intend to spend my evening standing on a street corner waiting for you to show up

(1/2)

[bethehugejerk]

[Good, good, no more umbrella. He scoots away from the edge of the roof, then once out of probably visual range, he stands to walk (quietly) towards a different point. He types as he does.]

OF COURSE I'M COMPLAINING, YOU LOOK LIKE A PARANOID TOOL.
AND I'M NOT MEETING UP WITH YOU YET
I WILL LATER, BEFORE WE GET TO OUR DESTINATION.
KEEP GOING NORTH ON THAT SIDE OF THE BLOCK.
THERE'S AN ALLEYWAY HALF WAY DOWN THAT I WANT YOU TO TURN AND GO THROUGH
IT'S A SHORTCUT.
AND YES, YOU HAVE TO USE IT, AS I STATED EARLIER.

[Ultimately Karkat will be watching from up above the far end of the alleyway, careful still. Although, surprise surprise, a shortcut isn't so much the actual point.]

(2/2)

[bethehugejerk]

[Once Equius enters the alleyway, the real surprise is revealed. Stuck along each wall are pages seemingly torn from a book, each depicting a famous human artwork. They're even arranged chronologically by year! Never say he pays no mind to Equius's hobbies, nor that he makes no effort. But it's not just pictures of art, really. Each one, and there's quite a few, has been carefully defaced. The spread includes the works of several artists, including Leonardo da Vinci, Vincent van Gogh, Edvard Munch, Salvador Dalí, Pablo Picasso, and others besides.]

okay, my favorite is the Dali, but these are all great!

[stayb100ponyboy]

D --> This is asinine
D --> Why am I taking such a specific route when I could just

[STRONG jump over it is what he intends to type, but then Equius turns the corner and sees the defaced art.]

[Now, he's not that big on human art. Human poetry, okay, that has some surprisingly nice gems tucked away, but their art is distinctly lacking in musclebeasts, so he hasn't paid it much attention. This, though, is horrifying, and he doesn't have to appreciate the subject matter to recognize what has been done to it.]

Are you crazy? Look what you've done!

[For all he knows, these are the originals!]

Have you no respect?!

I'm happy to please!

[bethehugejerk]

[It takes all Karkat's will not to give himself away by laughing. That and a hand clamped tight over his mouth as he, with the other, types a response back to his kismesis.]

NO, I DON'T, WHICH IS ENTIRELY THE POINT.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
NOW KEEP WALKING, THEY CONTINUE TO THE END OF THE ALLEYWAY.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius investigates more closely, and realizes they're not actual paintings but just poster reproductions. Okay, that's not nearly as bad as he thought. Still, he takes the time to very carefully remove one from the wall--the one with the dead hoofbeast on it, natch--to be disposed of properly later.]

You are an ignorant cretin with no appreciation for the arts.

[He figures Karkat can hear him, so he doesn't bother with the SFC. Instead, he stalks down the alley, past all the posters, trying to ignore them as best he can.]

[bethehugejerk]

[There's a horse in the Picasso one too, if he bothers to look. Not that Karkat did with his disdain for cubism.]

I HAVE APPRECIATION, JUST A DIFFERENT KIND THAN YOU
NAMELY THE SORT THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE STARING AT HOOFBEASTS FOR FAR LONGER THAN ANYONE EVER SHOULD
AND ONLY IN RELATION TO HOW I CAN PISS YOU OFF WITH IT.
BUT YOU WANT THE ONES WITH THE HORSES?
FINE, LET ME GIVE YOU THE BOOK. THERE MIGHT BE MORE IN THERE.
WATCH YOUR HEAD.

[If Equius listens, he may here some shuffling above as Karkat moves and withdraws a couple things from his sylladex. If he then looks up, he'll see a glimpse of Karkat, along with a book plummeting down. The book is missing several pages, but still has some left.]

[It's also on fire.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius isn't a huge fan of Cubism either. Why would anyone want to distort a hoofbeast's form like that?]

[He glances up just in time to see Karkat, and the flaming book sailing down towards him. He dodges to the side, narrowly missing it, but then his face splits in a smirk.]

You gave away your position, fool.

[Time to STRONG jump up towards the building's rooftop.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Which is when he follows up by throwing a garbage can. Dodge that, Equius.]

On purpose!

[stayb100ponyboy]

[The can hits Equius in the chest and explodes, raining garbage down into the alleyway. It doesn't hurt, not between Equius' STRENGTH and the armor he's wearing, but it does throw him off-balance, and he lands heavily on the roof, going down on one knee.]

[bethehugejerk]

[And, well, that's that. Karkat's not dressed fancily himself; his hope was to eventually ruin something a bit more clothing-like of Equius's, but this isn't a total loss.]

So now you're up here, and you stink. You've accomplished nothing. I'm not even using strengthening potion right now, so just jump back down.

[He points off to the side of the roof.]

I'll follow down my own way.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius gets to his feet, and sneers when he sees Karkat is dressed normally. He thinks about making some snide comment about how he could at least have borrowed a cloak from his useless ancestor, but then remembers Karkat's ancestor is gone. He's a dick, but he's not that big of a dick.]

[Mostly because if anything ever happens to Darkleer he'll be inconsolable and he knows it.]

No. I'll follow you.

[bethehugejerk]

No you won't. You can't do what I can.

[Is that a hint of smugness?]

[But without another word, Karkat heads over to the edge of the building that faces the alleyway - particularly, near the end, so as to avoid what he can of the garbage explosion. He shifts a little until he has the right view, not that what he's doing is necessarily apparent, and then draws his finger through the air. Then he jumps off the building.]

[But it's okay! Rather than falling to his death, or hitting the other building painfully, he... well, he does hit it, but sticks to it like it's nothing. Then does he look back up to where Equius must be.]

Don't even try unless you want to break something, probably the wall itself. Seriously, Gamzee tried to climb up the path I used the day I got this power, and it didn't work.

[And last, he climbs on down, not even bothering to look for any real footholds; his shoes and hands just press against the wall's surface itself, until he's back down on the ground.]

1/2

[stayb100ponyboy]

[da fuq]

2/2

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius is just going to pretend he didn't lunge forward a bit, to keep Karkat from falling. He totally wasn't going to catch him to keep him from splattering in the alleyway, oh no, that was just your imagination! Gosh, what kind of troll do you think he is?!]

[He does, however, arrive at the ledge of the building much faster than was entirely necessary.]

What the...

[He leans out over the edge, watching Karkat with wide eyes. Some kind of shoes? But who would have made them for him, if not Darkleer, and he trusts that his ancestor would tell him if he'd done such a thing.]

How are you doing that?

[bethehugejerk]

[Silly Equius, these are the same shoes he always wears. He waves up from the ground.]

I became a god, that's how. The power stayed after I stopped.

[Smug smug smug smug, beat that Equius. Nevermind that returning to regular mortality wasn't a decision so much as the orb that gave him divinity left to restore Amaterasu's power. His words are still correct, in a sense.]

Seriously. Ask Gamzee about that battle on the island earlier this month if you don't believe me; he saw it happen.

[stayb100ponyboy]

Oh, I will.

[Equius vaguely recalls something going on on the island that weekend, but he hadn't paid it much attention. Apparently, he should have!]

[He takes a step back from the ledge, then STRONG cannonballs off it. He uncurls at the last moment, deliberately landing more heavily than normal, leaving a small crater where his feet strike the pavement and sending a small ripple out across the stones. Then he rises to his full height and crosses his arms over his chest.]

[Message: he doesn't need to be a god to do that. Also, he is tall.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Yeah, seeing Equius jump off? That if anything is sign to back up, and Karkat judiciously takes some steps away before the taller troll lands. Show-off. But rather than look jealous or impressed, he rolls his eyes.]

And that's why you're a freak who has to learn how to touch normal people without breaking them. Now go stomp out the book fire so nothing else burns, then come follow me.

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Equius snorts and tosses his hair over his shoulder when he glances back at the burning book. It's not near anything flammable and is already burning itself out, so he kicks the dented trashcan over on top of it. There. It will smother itself out soon enough.]

That's also why I don't need to depend on god powers to defend myself.

[He's also still taller. Let that be known. Equius... tall. Karkat... not tall.]

[bethehugejerk]

I didn't use it to defend myself, you moron. I used it as a tool, which is the same way I used it in the fight: to get a better vantage point to fight that orb. It's perfect proof my tactical mastery and a continuance of the traits that made me a great leader.

[And yeah shut up so what if he's tall. Stupid lousy giant kismesis.]

[He turns and starts walking down the street.]

[stayb100ponyboy]

[Snort. Do you hear that snorting behind you, Karkat? It is the most condescending snorting that has ever been snorted; if Darkleer, Summoner, or anyone else who understands Horse were here right now, they would swoon over the lewdness of what Equius just said.]

[He will, however, follow his kismesis out of the alley.]

[bethehugejerk]

[Never in Karkat's life is he going to want to speak horse, so the snort is (mercifully) lost on his ears. Probably something dumb and pointless, for all he cares. He keeps walking; not far ahead, a restaurant starts to come into view.]

They're not going to let you in when you reek of trash, you know.

[stayb100ponyboy]

What a shame that someone decided to throw trash at me.

[Equius quickly puts away the towel he got out to wipe himself off. Oh, Karkat doesn't like him smelling like trash? GUESS WHO SUDDENLY WANTS TO REEK LIKE A DUMPSTER?!]

I guess we'll be getting take-out.