vatheon | things that can only end well: THIS

Early as Sufferer may be, Bro said six and he'll be on the scene at exactly that time. He's a busy dude, after all, and is coming straight from the collaboration party with Prince Gumball, Leo and Gloria in the coffee shop.

He's never actually been inside the tea shop before, but he knows where it is and that's where they've agreed to meet. Heck, he doesn't even need to enter the tea shop, as there's a troll sitting right outside it and clearly waiting for someone. He can see that even from a distance. A flashstep later, he's standing next to said troll.

"Yo."

Oh my god, what the hell was that?!

Oh, it's just Bro! Sufferer jumped a little when he flashstepped over, but once he recognizes him, the tension eases out of his body. He's never actually seen Bro before, but it doesn't take a genius to recognize an older version of Dirk. The family resemblance is there for Dave, too.

"Hi! You must be Bro!" He stands up too, and while his usual greeting method is a hug, he's used to Striders and their "no touchy" policy, so he offers a hand to shake instead. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Sufferer."

It's a good thing Sufferer opted not to hug, because Bro's response would've been to shove him off none-too-gently before those arms could even close around his chest. Handshakes, while not his preferred method of greeting, he can deal with. When his fingers close around the Sufferer's hand, he makes sure to give it a strong squeeze that may border on painful. This is how real men shake hands.

"Sup, man." There's a moment's pause, then a follow-up remark. "For a troll, you sure have tiny horns."

In his defense, he hangs around with the Summoner a lot. He's allowed to have the impression that troll horns are huge.

Sufferer's hands are robotic and made of metal, so Bro's handshake doesn't really bother him. He makes note, though, and intends to shake hands with him with greater force next time.

He blinks once or twice at Bro's remark about his horns, and then laughs quietly. "They are small, aren't they? Probably the smallest most have seen." He shrugs, good natured. "Troll horns come in a lot of sizes; mine just happens to be tiny."

Thank goodness Bro made that observation to Sufferer and not Karkat!

Bro was expecting a little more of a reaction than that, so he's sorely disappointed. This troll's just so goddamn mellow. The caps lock in his typing is like false advertising or something.

"Yeah? Kinda makes me wonder if the horns compensate for other sizes, if you know what I mean. 'Cause if that's the case, you're in luck."

Leave it to Bro to shoehorn a dick joke into a conversation. Maybe that will get him more of a reaction.

If Bro is expecting much of a reaction from that, he's going to be disappointed yet again. Sufferer is the rarest of breeds... someone who is entirely comfortable with himself and what he is.

"No, it doesn't quite work that way. I'm bigger than these," he gestures at his horns, "but otherwise very average. Don't believe anyone who tells you there's a direct correlation, it's probably some large horned braggart trying to pull a fast one on you."

Summoner, he's thinking of you.

Still smiling, he motions to the tea shop. "Shall we?"

Wow. By now, Bro's starting to wonder if Sufferer's got an amazing pokerface or if he's just a genuinely relaxed, nice guy. Either way, the lack of proper reaction and just how easily the information on dick size comes is throwing him for a loop. He blinks a few times behind his shades, then shrugs and starts towards the tea shop.

"Just to be sure, dinner's still a thing, right? I haven't eaten in a while, so if there's no grub I'm outta here."

"They have food, don't worry." Sufferer trots after him, following him into the shop. "Just sandwiches and things, but if you're still hungry afterwards, we can go somewhere else."

If Bro doesn't protest, Sufferer is going to steer him towards his favorite table in the corner of the shop. "Any tea or food preferences?"

Oh, he's protesting. However, it's in the more subtle manner of shrugging the Sufferer's hands off him and putting some distance between them. The "no touchy" policy is still a thing. He's just not going to comment on it.

"Nah, I'll eat just about anything." He takes a seat at the table the Sufferer was obviously attempting to lead him to. "You go ahead and order whatever you think is good, and I'll settle for that."

"All right." Sufferer flags down a waitress and places an order for a pot of tea, some sandwiches, and two bowls of soup. That done, he folds his hands on the table and smiles at Bro.

"I had fun rapping with you."

While the Sufferer folds his hands on the table, Bro in turn folds his own arms behind his head and leans back in his chair. So far back, even, that the chair's balancing on its two hind legs.

"I'd be pretty fucking surprised if you didn't. Rapping with a Strider is like slamming rhymes with the gods."

Sufferer is not that slick--if he tried that move he'd almost certainly end up on the floor--so all four of his chair's feet stay on the floor.

"I hope I did okay and that it was fun for you too." Self-conscious laughter. "I don't get a chance to do that very often."

"Naw, you did fine. For a guy who doesn't rap that much, you've got a decent sense of rhythm."

That's as close as Sufferer's going to get to a compliment. Bro doesn't like handing out sincere buttpatts too often, because the way he sees it, there's always room for improvement.

"Thank you." Oh no, Bro, what did you do? Now that Sufferer has been encouraged, he's going to rap more often!

"Seems like you've settled into Vatheon well. What do you do to keep busy?"

He sees no problem with Sufferer rapping more often. Vatheon can never have enough ironic rappers. Not ever. He leans back in the chair a little more, mulling over the question.

"Uh... Same thing I did back home, I guess, minus the website. I play videogames, watch shitty movies, dick around with sharp objects and sew puppets together."

"You make puppets? Can I see one?"

"No, you can't see one." The response comes almost immediately, but it's followed by an amused grin and an idle wave of the hand.

"I captchalogue those little guys in groups so they don't clutter up my sylladex too much. You wanna see a puppet, I'm gonna have to take out a whole pile of 'm. ...Which is cool by me, just know what you're in for."

While one puppet sounds good, a pile of them sounds even better!

"I'd love to!"

Although Bro's word choice when he called the puppets a pile makes Sufferer wonder if his new human friend secretly needs a moirail...

Bro hadn't expected the Sufferer to actually agree to these terms, but true to his word, he doesn't mind too much. He shuffles through a few captchalogue cards until he finds something suitable. Then, through the magic of sylladex, a two feet high pile of Smuppets appears next to their table. The reason they're all grouped together is because they were all made with various kinds patterned fabrics. Not as neat as the plain-colored Smuppets, but the mayhem of the patterns is endearing in its own way.

Bro's face shows absolutely no shame at all those phallic noses and bulbous bottoms sticking out of the pile.

If the phallic noses and plush rumps bother Sufferer, he doesn't show it. He's a little surprised at the size of the pile--definitely a pile, if he didn't know better, he'd think Bro was putting the pale moves on him--but he finds the riotous patterns endearing and delightful.

"They're so cute!" Without asking, he reaches down to pick one up, a particularly vibrant specimen with very bright plumage.

Don't worry Sufferer, Bro can show off his phallic handiwork without having any ulterior motives. This is just one of several Smuppet piles in his sylladex. He's trying to be merciful towards his two bros by keeping his puppets out of the apartment's public areas, instead limiting it all to his bedroom and sylladex.

"Yeah? You like 'm? You can have one if you promise to take good care of the little guy."

Sufferer holds the puppet and completely unironically honks its nose. Sorry, he just doesn't see the phallic reference. The rump he understands, and after squeezing one of the cheeks in curiosity, leaves it alone. He hasn't gotten that vaguely unsettled feeling Smuppets tend to give people, and sets the puppet on its rump next to his water glass.

"Oh no, I couldn't, that's far too generous of you." No, but seriously, he's taking this puppet home.

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just realized they're basically in Vatheon Panera Bread

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totally not here. but this popped into my head while watch Dave try to rhyme shit with puppets

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